The Fourth Form of True Love: Growth--Growing with Your Child

Growth begins with us—When parents reflect and grow, children learn to lead with love and understanding. 🌱💛

One day, my son Jordan yelled at his younger sister Jenny, “If you don’t turn off the light, you’ll sleep in the garage tonight!” Jenny burst into tears.

I asked Aaron about what had happened. He explained that the three had returned home and changed shoes in the garage. He had instructed, “Whoever is the last one to leave the garage, please turn off the light.” Being the last to leave, Jenny had forgotten to turn it off. Jordan intended to remind her, but his approach caused distress.

In that moment, I saw a reflection of myself, an example of “the child as a copy of the parent.” In the past, I had unknowingly spoken in similar ways, and Jordan had picked up on it and used the same tone with his sister.

Feeling a pang of guilt, I sat down with Jordan for a conversation.

I said, “Jordan, I want to apologise today. Mom and Dad are parents for the first time, and we didn’t always know what we were doing. Some of the ways we handled things in the past were not right. For example, speaking in a way that says, ‘If you don’t do this, I’ll do that.’ It’s not a wise way to solve problems and can easily hurt feelings. Please forgive us for our mistakes as we learn to be better parents.” Jordan looked at me and nodded in agreement.

I continued, “I also realise you’ve unintentionally picked up on how we used to talk, for instance, earlier with your sister forgetting to turn off the light. Maybe she doesn’t fully understand why it’s important. If we help her understand, she might be more willing to do it. For example, we can explain: ‘Jenny, if the light is left on, it wastes electricity, a resource we should conserve. Turning it off helps save energy.’ If you guide her this way, wouldn’t that be better?” Jordan agreed.

The following day, the kids were preparing breakfast and needed soy milk powder. After Jordan finished using it, he asked Jenny to put it back in the pantry. Jenny said, “I can’t do it.”

Jordan used encouraging words this time: “Little sister, we all need to practice growing up, so let’s start now.” Jenny replied, “But the pantry is too high. I can’t reach it.”

Jordan said, “Stand on a stool, it’ll help you reach.” He brought her a chair, and Jenny climbed up to return the item to its place.

Watching this scene, I was deeply moved. I hadn’t expected Jordan to change so quickly and adopt such a thoughtful approach. It made us realise how important it is to grow alongside our children. We cultivate a more loving and nurturing family environment by continually growing ourselves.